| Pillar | Description | Behavioral Example | | :--- | :--- | :--- | | | Verbal/non-verbal expressions of pride and respect. | Daily specific compliments (not generic “good job”). | | Responsiveness | Responding to “bids” for connection (Gottman Institute). | Turning toward partner’s comment instead of ignoring. | | Safety & Protection | Emotional safety to express needs without ridicule. | Listening to a complaint without defensiveness. | | Generosity of Interpretation | Assuming positive intent during misunderstandings. | Asking “What did you mean?” vs. accusing. |
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People change over time. Never assume you know everything there is to know about your partner. 4. The Time Investment: The 7-7-7 Rule
A dedicated sit-down to discuss schedules, goals, and grievances. | Pillar | Description | Behavioral Example |
Effective communication is the cornerstone of the code. When conflict arises, the 5-5-5 Method provides a structured way to ensure both partners are heard:
Critics of the Farrels' approach note that it can feel "heavy on the code analogies and metaphors" and "a little too tritely Christian" for some readers. Others find the gender roles somewhat rigid, though the Farrels argue that they are describing common patterns, not prescribing universal absolutes. | Turning toward partner’s comment instead of ignoring
Acknowledge their feelings before offering solutions.
Ignoring the bid due to distraction or preoccupation.